For the Wu!
by Justified Wings
Summary: One-shot. Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Meng attempt to educate Lu Xun in the ways of wooing. Sun Shang Xiang is the unfortunate victim. Rated T for language and content.


**For the Wu!**

Part 1 – "Adult Conversation"

"So, yeah. Gan Ning, how many chicks have you banged in Wu territory?"

A chuckle escaped through Ling Tong's lips. If he was correct, the estimate was probably going to be somewhere around "most of 'em" to "all of 'em". Gan Ning was the type of man to never turn a pretty lady down. Enfolding his arms over his chest, he was resisting the urge to play with the sash that was pulled around his waist. Lately he'd been more distracted. That was probably karma telling him to stop hanging out with Gan Ning and Lu Meng. Like that would ever happen. As far as he was concerned, they were both friends (although Gan Ning was still a bastard for killing his father).

A smirk played upon the lips of the former pirate. He lifted his right hand and poked at the series of duck feathers tucked into his bandana. He _did_ love the ladies, didn't he? In fact, it seemed to be a goal of his to get with every single woman in China. He was doing all right so far. Considering his list of names of pretty ladies, he had scratched most of them off.

"Heh. Ya kiddin' me? I'm the master when it comes to the ladies. They jes' can't keep their hands off'a me." With that stated, he struck a pose for the other two around him. Any time he got a chance to show his strength and muscle, he definitely took up the offer.

"Good God, man. Put those away before you poke someone's eye out."

Lu Meng tried to stand as far away from them as he possibly could without making it look like he loathed them. He honestly didn't mind either one. He was just a little annoyed with how they acted like children. Their unnecessary bickering often got on his last nerves. He often times thought he'd have to put them in time out. Send Ling Tong to the corner and Gan Ning to his room… ALONE.

Edging closer to Lu Meng, he flexed a couple more times, "Hey. It ain't like I got my wang out and I'm showin' everyone."

Then he grew an incredibly smug look and started to pelvic thrust the air. It was a motion only repeated a couple of times before he fanned out his fingertips and made a huge gesture towards where his genitalia was located beneath the pants, undergarments, and his skirt-like long loincloth. "If all the ladies're so impressed, I bet ya guys would be too. Wanna see?"

Ling Tong lifted his hands and planted them firmly over his eyes. He'd rather die on the battlefield of an arrow to the head than to ever see something like that. What was Gan Ning trying to do; blind them?!

"FOR THE LOVE OF THE DRAGONS ON YOUR ARMS, PUT YOUR WANG AWAY! HAVE SOME DECENCY, MAN!"

Like he could talk. Ling Tong was not the most decent man himself. He had a tendency to make passes at the women _and_ the men (but usually it was the women). Although he was hypocritical, it still didn't mean he wanted to see the private things that Gan Ning was interested in showing.

"You are all… making such a ruckus. I have come to see what is going on."

The voice belonged to a much softer tone. Only one young man could pull off the look of a female so well. (Except for Zhang He, but he was in Wei. And come to think of it, there was Guan Ping in Shu as well.) Lu Xun straightened the tactician's hat upon his head and then he brushed himself off. He was one of the more… uncorrupted minds involved with the war between the three kingdoms. As soon as he'd seen Gan Ning and his two cronies, he should have known there would have been trouble. Then again, he was the type of person to give others a second chance in spite of what they might have shown him previously.

At the entrance of the gender-confused being, Gan Ning looked to his accomplices and lifted an eyebrow out of amusement. This could be the perfect time to tutor Lu Xun. He was still just a child, not even eighteen years of age, yet. It would do him some good to learn something of the world… and of women.

_Heh. Leave this to me. He'll be takin' after me in no time._

Before Ling Tong or Lu Meng could stop him, the feathered one was approaching Lu Xun. The two watched as friendly greetings were exchanged. Gan Ning affectionately smacked Lu Xun on the back, nearly causing him to collide with the floor. In an effort to perhaps save himself, the younger crept over to where Lu Meng and Ling Tong were, hiding behind the latter.

"Gah. You're scarin' him, Ning. Stop it."

The oldest chided Gan Ning for his behaviour. There was a limit to trying to ruin the younger generation and he had met it. Most of the time when there was a boundary, it was Gan Ning's goal to overstep it. He excelled in that area, it seemed. Most of the time, Lu Meng really didn't care at all. Lu Xun was one of those people that he really didn't want them to be messing with.

"Last thing we need are two Gan Ning's. I can barely stand one, let alone two."

"I ain't gonna' do anything to him. He's jes' bein' a pansy ass anyway," Gan Ning beckoned for Lu Xun to approach him.

When the addressee had, albeit hesitantly, the pirate slid an arm around him and with his free hand, he gestured over the land before him, "We were talkin' 'bout the ladies. See all that land out there? It's our job as men to get every single woman in all our provinces."

There was a coughing sound that came from behind him and he narrowed his eyebrows. Releasing Lu Xun for a moment, he turned and looked over at Ling Tong. "What the hell ya tryin' to do? Yer messin' up my speech."

The brown-haired male pointed in the opposite direction, "We're in He Fei, Gan Ning. The rest of our land is south of us, not north."

Then he gave a cocky grin and shrugged at his newly found best friend, "I understand that you're wanting to get with that Lady Zhen Ji chick real bad, but you've got to remember, they're Wei. No fraternizing with the enemy, Ning." From the look he was given, he probably didn't have to say anything more. In fact, he was probably running the risk of being sliced by the River Master any time now.

Gan Ning merely looked at him for a few moments. Nibbling upon his bottom lip for just a brief moment, he then stiffly turned his posture in the direction where Ling Tong had pointed.

Then he pulled Lu Xun back in, "All right. So where was I?"

He looked down to his student, wondering if he'd even paid attention at all. He was certainly hoping so. If he tested Lu Xun and it ended in failure, he'd be embarrassed to be a part of Wu. All the men in Wu were considered ladies' men in one way or another. Gan Ning was at the top of that list, though.

"A-ah…you were saying that…that…"

This was embarrassing. He was only seventeen years old! Why did he have to learn about this kind of stuff now?! He just wanted to focus on tactics and strategy. After all, that was his job, right? Yes, yes. Of course it was. He hadn't studied under Zhou Yu and Lu Meng for nothing.

When Gan Ning hardened his look upon him, he continued quickly. This time, with no hesitation. "You were talking about how it's our responsibility to gain control of the women within the Wu Dynasty."

A grin was flashed and Gan Ning turned to the other two, giving a double thumb up signal, "Check it out! A kid after my own heart! Heh! I'm likin' 'im more and more!"

If he was ever to have a child, he was hoping he or she would be like him. He would have preferred a boy, but if he had to have a girl, then he could live with it… reluctantly. In fact, he probably had a ton of bastard children from his many rendezvous with the women in the kingdom. He found it easier to have those one-night stands with the females and leave it at that. He had yet to find a woman that made him work hard for the prize. Once he found that (and a woman who could handle a sword as well as he could), he'd be set.

Lu Xun gave a shaky smile. It sounded like he'd done something right, after all. Maybe this Gan Ning person wasn't as bad as he had thought originally. While the other three talked amongst themselves, he lifted a hand to get their attention. Once he'd received that, his meek voice spoke up again.

"Uhm… once we get control of those women, what do we do with them then?" He really was the epitome of innocence. In fact, if there had been a competition between him and little Xiao Qiao over who knew more in that area, it probably would have ended in a stalemate.

Gan Ning's expression turned devious. This was his favourite part about tutoring the young 'uns. When they asked questions like these, he couldn't get into trouble for answering them. After all, they'd asked.

"Heh. Wouldn't you like to know?"

When he received a nod in response, he inched back over to Lu Xun. Leaning over, he whispered into his ear. It was a string of comments that weren't meant to be repeated, or even spoken of aloud. Who knew when there would be a woman eavesdropping on them?

The young boy's eyes widened with something that was either shock, fear, or a combination of the two and he very nearly squealed. "W-what?? You can't be serious! T-that's… that's… uhmmm… oh, my gosh. I think I'm going to be ill."

Then he shot a look of disbelief in Gan Ning's direction. "_That's_ what you do with women??" At this rate, he was never going to go near another woman again. While he had liked being around the Qiao sisters, he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to be near them anymore without thinking about what Gan Ning had told him.

Ling Tong lifted a hand to cradle his forehead. He was starting to get an ache up there. Then again, whenever Gan Ning failed to use his brain that was likely to happen. If only there was a cure for that outside of plants in the area. Right about this time, he would have liked to just sit down for a nice cup of tea and some peace. The probability of that happening was a given thirty-eight percent.

"Ning, you can stop now. You're filling his mind with nonsense."

Ignoring the other pansy ass, Gan Ning decided to continue. He shook his head at Lu Xun. The tutorial continued. "Not all women. Jes' the pretty ones. Like…uh…"

He was racking his brain for the particular ones that he could score points with. "Well… uh… I know we got some that ain't from Wu, but they're still worth the points. Zhen Ji from Wei. Yue Ying and Xing Cai from Shu. And Zhu Rong from Nanman. As fer Wu, though, we got lucky. We got three hotties. The Qiao sisters and Shang Xiang." The looks he received from Lu Meng and Ling Tong were the disapproving ones.

"I hope you're kidding, Ning. That's just you asking to play with fire. You couldn't get near any three of them without being pounced on by the Sun family, Liu Bei, or Zhou Yu."

Lu Meng shook his head at those kinds of thoughts. He honestly hoped that Gan Ning wasn't serious. He could bail him out of some kinds of trouble, but not when it came to the females of Wu. Besides, all three of them probably would have banded together and kicked his ass anyway. Then they'd go tell the important ones and Gan Ning would get jumped again. While it sounded entertaining, it wasn't something Lu Meng wanted to see in particular.

Lu Xun's jaw dropped in response. "You're speaking of Lady Xiao, Lady Da, and Lady Shang Xiang? Should you really be talking about them in such a context? They happen to be generals, like ourselves. So shouldn't we be treating them with the same respect we treat each other?" It sounded like a good idea at the time. He was still young, though. He was still pure at heart and in spite of being good in a battle, he was still not wise enough in the eyes of the world.

"'Parently ya don't know about the way we do things here. We ain't royalty like the Sun family, and none o' us're married to any princesses. We're real men. We ain't like all prissy an' shit. Not like Zhou Yu or Sun Ce or yer Lord Sun Quan either. Real men don't treat other real men with this fabled shit wad of respect, or whatever the hell it is yer talkin' 'bout."

Gan Ning was still harbouring that wonderful smile. It was the one where the rest of the world was wrong and anyone who disagreed could get down on their knees (assuming they were female) and prove their worth. Gan Ning did things his way, and his way only. He didn't really care what anyone thought. Hell, even Lu Meng and Ling Tong took a back seat to his person.

"And apparently, you don't know when to keep that gaping hole in your face shut, Gan Ning."

It was a woman's tone. That generally meant that Gan Ning was about to be in some severe trouble. The pirate nearly cringed, but resisted the urge when he turned. His brown eyes looked over the magnificent Wu uniform and then the short hair. Sun Shang Xiang, the only daughter lucky enough to be born into the Sun family. According to Gan Ning, she was hot, hot, hot, and all over too. Then again, he'd never actually gotten to see or touch any part of her, so most of the time, he was ignored when he stated such outlandish things.

"Heeeey, lil' princess. Ya come to join our party too? I was jes' givin' Lu Xun here some manly tips on how to pick up the ladies. Why don't ya practise with 'im and we can see if he's doin' things right now."

Without waiting for a response, he reached out a hand to her folded arms and he pulled her closer to Lu Xun. Examining their posture for a moment, he adjusted their positions into what he thought was appropriate. Then he edged back and joined his two other mates.

"Right then. Action!"

Lu Xun looked between the three who were watching him intently and then over to the young lady. Sun Shang Xiang was a very pretty young lady. He happened to adore females with shorter hair as opposed to longer, but he would be the last to admit any such thing. From what he had heard, though, she was older than him. In that respect, he felt any relationship pursued with her would fail drastically. The last thing he wanted was a broken heart. Love and lust would mess with his mind concerning the things that were more important.

"Uhm…well…"

Great. So now she'd been pulled into this too. Of the group of men, it looked like Lu Xun was the smartest one of all. Sun Shang Xiang was a little irritated that those who had acted like friends were pushing into situations like this. Lu Xun deserved better. Just to tease him a little bit, though, she gave the youngest boy her hardest glare.

"I don't think you're any better than these other dogs. In fact, this whole scenario was probably _your_ idea." She failed to reveal that she knew it was Gan Ning's doing. He was the only one who could be held responsible. She'd scold the others too, though, for not stopping him.

"N-no! That isn't true at all, Lady Sun Shang Xiang! I solemnly swear on my rank in the Wu Dynasty! I didn't have anything to do with it at all! I was just—"

He had begun to approach her during his protest and like all sensible gender-confused men, he tripped over himself and knocked right into her frame. Instinctively a hand shot out and hit the softest place imaginable on a female.

"—Agh!"

After Sun Shang Xiang pushed him off of her, the two regained their balance and Lu Xun began to brush himself off, "I-I'm so sorry, Lady Sun Shang Xiang! I didn't m-mean for that to happen!"

It was entirely comical on Gan Ning's end. He was concealing his amusement. Arms enfolded over his chest, he looked between Ling Tong and Lu Meng before glancing over to the other two.

"Now, now. There's no need to fight. Save yer energy for the upcoming battles."

Then he shot a knowing grin in Lu Xun's direction, "So tell us, Lu Xun. What was it like? Yer first gropin' of a fine-assed woman?"

He couldn't hold it in any longer. His lips parted and he began to howl in laughter. Ling Tong and Lu Meng followed in suit behind him. It was safe to assume that anyone who had seen that would have laughed.

Sun Shang Xiang curled her hands into the fists gesture as she glared at the three immature men. When her eyes met with Lu Xun's, she recognized that meek look Ignoring it for the time being, she withdrew her pair of chakrams.

"Hold still so I can kick your ass!" She was one of those ladies that had a temper that was actually a bit intimidating to be around. Zhen Ji's was another that was difficult to handle. Fortunately for them, however, Zhen Ji was nowhere in the area (or so they hoped).

Lu Xun cringed. How could he not? Anyone in their right mind would have!

"M-mommy!"

Then without even waiting, he took off. Right past the lovely young woman he sprinted. He seemed to be in the direction of the main camp, where he hoped he could explain things before Sun Shang Xiang came after and completely decimated him for something that was definitely not his fault. The only thing he could hope was that she was not as fast on foot as he was.

Gan Ning watched with interest as Sun Shang Xiang followed after him. Looking back at the other two, he lifted his right hand and gave the thumbs up again. Now _that_ was genuine entertainment.


End file.
